Introduction to 2015

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, extra-terrestrials, robotic life forms and everything in between. The year is 2015 and it's time to get underway. Last year I was slack and focused on work, university studies and the plethora of other personal issues I went through. This year is different. This year, will change. Or will it?

Firstly, I'd like to address the last blog post I did in relation to the Wii U and I'd like to say one small thing:


"Suck shit! I was right! The doubt should not have been real!"

 

 

Ahem, excuse me. Needed to get that off my chest. In the meantime, yes, the Wii U did amazingly well for what most people thought of as a lacklustre console in the current generation race. Mario Kart 8 boosted sales by up to 400% in May, the month of its release. Bayonetta 2 was released and was bundled with the first Bayonetta game, which was really cool. Two games for the price of one is great, but when it's Bayonetta it's awesome!  Hyrule Warriors was released and many people jumped on the limited edition bundle with the nice looking scarf. I managed to get my hands on one as well and I have to tell you, it's pretty comfy and warm. As for the game, it's very Dynasty Warriors but it doesn't just have a Legend of Zelda skin. It can be its own game in its own right. Now Super Smash Bros. for the Wii U! Oh dear lord! That thing is selling consoles by the truckload and it'll be interesting to see what the numbers are when we find out in a month or so.

 

Super Smash Bros., along with the aforementioned, have pushed the Wii U from a distant third to a must own second in the console race. While most people will be choosing between an Xbox One and a Playstation 4, the Wii U has a strong case to make as a secondary choice due to its differing selection in games. Hopefully it can still release some high quality games this year. Some titles would most likely be Splatoon and Yoshi's Woolly World.

 

Anyway, I'm going to end this one premature. However, I will find time to write more often. If you want to catch me on my day to day life, check out my Twitter and Facebook. Links are here:

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Holy-Daprawn/116998368335708

https://twitter.com/HolyDaprawn

 

Game on!

Holy Daprawn

Rant: Wii U

The hype train has well and truly come and gone for the Xbox One and the Playstation 4. Recently the PS4 has been in the news about bringing back older titles from their first three generations, some rumours even include the use of old discs but upscaled to HD. This is big news for a generation of game consoles which aimed to initially faze out the previous generation in favour of forcing customers to upgrade their hardware. The best news that Xbox can come up with this year, in my honest opinion, would be an update which allowed the use of Xbox 360 titles on the console. If that was the case, consider me sold! However, this isn't a three-way war of video games. Everybody remembers Nintendo yeah? Fitting in neither the red corner or the blue corner anymore, it sits on the sidelines waiting for it's turn to become to powerhouse it once used to be. It's newest console, the Wii U, hasn't sold anywhere near expected sales. Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata has even taken a pay cut of around 50% of his salary for the next 5 months while other executives of the company have taken cuts between 20-30%. Nintendo is facing a dead end, much like SEGA did when the Dreamcast flopped in 2001. However, is everything as bad as it seems?

Short answer: Not really. Nintendo can look to the Nintendo 3DS for inspiration on how to get the Wii U back as a marketable console. While the Wii had motion controls before any other console of its generation, the Wii U brought in a tablet which could also be used to play certain games without the need of a TV available. The difficulty of this is the choice game developers must decide on. Do they try and create their game to be used with the Wii U and the gamepad with the knowledge that the Wii U is experiencing poor sales? Or do they ignore the Wii U altogether and focus on consoles which are easier to develop for and have proven to be competitive sellers? For most, the choice is easily the latter. In order to turn this around, Nintendo must do what they did with the 3DS and release some must have games for the console. The 3DS had a steady release of much hyped games which ended up making it the best selling handheld of 2013. It had such titles as:

- Fire Emblem: Awakening
- Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon
- Animal Crossing: New Leaf
- Pokémon X & Y
- The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds

Now for me personally, the release of Animal Crossing: New Leaf around June showed me exactly how many people owned a 3DS. Here I was thinking a few close friends owned one and next thing I knew, one in three people owned one! Gamers were given reason after reason to get a 3DS and it went crazy, with a 45% increase in software for the handheld since 2012. Now everyone is talking about the 3DS and it's time the Wii U gained the same publicity. 2014 looks really exciting for the Wii U in regars to their classic games, with titles such as these making their way to shelves (hopefully):

- Mario Kart 8
- Super Smash Bros. 4
- Bayonetta 2
- Hyrule Warriors
- A new Legend of Zelda game

Now on initial thoughts of that line up, it's primarily trusted game series. Mario Kart can almost do no wrong. Super Smash Bros. will be loved and cherished by everyone and is it's closer to Super Smash Bros. Melee it'll be a competitive favourite. Bayonetta 2 was a big surprise when Nintendo announced it as a Wii U exclusive, but we haven't really seen much of it since it was announced. Then you have your token Legend of Zelda game and the interesting Hyrule Warriors, which is a Legend of Zelda/Dynasty Warriors cross. One game that didn't make the list was Watch Dogs, because we've all been waiting for it for over a year now and since Ubisoft deemed Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag more important, the staff were moved across to help ACIV get released on schedule. However with that line up, it's hard not to think that the nearly impossible, the Wii U becoming relevant again, will actually happen. Nintendo have a fighting chance, they just need to get their proven first party titles out there and try and get some third party support. Ubisoft had initially pledged to release consistent games on the Wii U but have started to take a backseat in that agreement.

The third option, and the most intriguing one I believe, can be split into two different paths: Nintendo could either give up on the Wii U, realise that it was what the Wii should have been last generation and start working on a real next generation console to match up with everything the PS4 and XBOne have, or they can go the path of SEGA, say that they've had their time building consoles and start releasing games for Sony and Microsoft. Hell, you may as well throw in mobile games too. Now path one would hopefully be the next step for Nintendo. Try and keep the Wii U afloat with first party titles but come up with a console that can appeal to the masses without all those gimmicks. Yes, it sounds like killing the creativity of Nintendo and pushing them in line with the other consoles, but it might be just what they need to save themselves financially. Then if that works they can continue on their path to innovate in making controllers for octopus'. The second option looks more real though, especially with the mobile games. Nintendo have already announced that they'll be releasing some software on mobile devices either this year or early next year. Hopefully that doesn't mean the death of them though.

All in all, I love my Wii U. It's not hard either, with NintendoLand still a party starter and with titles such as Pikmin 3, Super Mario 3D World, Zombie U, Monster Hunter Tri: Ultimate and LEGO City Undercover just to name a few, the Wii U has shown that it has potential. I bought mine day one because I believed that it would last long enough for Nintendo to come up with the next best thing. Am I a Nintendo fanboy? No, I just enjoy playing games and the Wii U has games I enjoy playing. It would be a shame to see Nintendo start to die off though. It's not the same having Sonic appear on a Playstation compared to being on the Dreamcast, and I'd find it just a little bit weird if Mario only showed on an Apple handheld and Microsoft's home console.

/rant

Review: Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts (2008)

Is this a joke? Did Chris and Tim Stamper wake up from their mighty hangover from the successes of Rare's previous titles Goldeneye 007, Conker's Bad Fur Day and Perfect Dark, money spilling from their pockets while the room span around like a CD and think to themselves "Hey man....lets make Banjo-Kazooie once more, but with vehicles...!" Like....fuck....what?

I'd avoid this game altogether with eyes like those on the front cover.

Now don't get me wrong, Banjo-Kazooie will forever be known as a solid, fun and enjoyable platforming title on the Nintendo 64 and its sequel Banjo-Tooie is still a marvel. But after continuous pressure to make Banjo-...Threeie (Dafuq?!) they decided to scrap the platforming goodness of the first two and make a completely different game which taunts the player for even playing it? That's just ridiculous! But no, the game stoops that low. During one of the loading screens, hints and tips usually pop up, until you come to this:

"Have you been playing for a while but still don't like the vehicle-based gameplay? Maybe you need to buy Banjo-Kazooie on Xbox Live Arcade instead."

Are you kidding me?

You know, this is the first game I've reviewed where I haven't yet finished the main storyline because the game was just too terrible to play. (EDIT: Actually, I didn't finish Pimp My Ride either, but that shit is cray-cray. Three levels was enough.) Instead I ended up spending a good few days building vehicles from the default parts that you get plus a few others from easy-to-reach crates in the hub world, Showdown Town, and then flying them around the practice map. Yes, that's all I did. No storyline was going to suck me in, I wanted to play the game and play it for what it was worth.

Really? Does this really need to be in a Banjo-Kazooie game? Rare!! Dafuq?!

After trying to build a good vehicle which could float, speed along the ground and fly as well I put it into action, only to see it run out of fuel after about 15 seconds of flight. The game is fairly good in a sense that once fuel runs out, it takes a few seconds before it recharges a fraction. This is probably reminiscent of the health system made famous by games such as Call of Duty where you take cover for a few seconds to stop seeing red. This was probably the only logical step the game made to try and be "modern" without taking the piss out of itself.


As you saw from the quote I mentioned above previously, the game doesn't try and make you feel like you're playing a good game. Even Mumbo walks around talking about how the game is shitty and that he just wants to retire. Kazooie is probably the only decent character in that he knows the game is boring and is only in it so he can go back to what he was doing, which was ironically playing is new Xbox 360. Since the game was meant to be released as a launch title, it heavily features Xbox 360s in the game with many references to sell the console even more, much like it's other Rare counter-part Viva Piñata.

^^ Better than being in the game itself. Kazooie knows what's up.

To the game's credit, it is still spoken about fairly highly. Not in gameplay and story mind you, but the physics of the vehicles. Make a vehicle too front-heavy and it will just drag along the ground. Make it too wide or long and it'll have problems turning. The vehicular based part of the game could've probably been made into it's own game, minus Banjo and Kazooie, and would've had moderate success. Yet no, Banjo-Kazooie had to be revived and much like Fox McCloud in Starfox Adventures, really didn't need a shift in genre to make a comeback. Just give us bloody Banjo-Kazooie in it's pure form and leave all the shit out Rare. You'll thank me for it later when you start to go back to your golden age of gaming.


--FINAL VERDICT--

Platform Used: Xbox 360

Score: 3/10

Recommendation: Avoid.

In short, that rating would be a 6 if the name Banjo-Kazooie was taken away. But no, Rare had to go and ruin a perfectly good game series. This review was fairly short, but that's because I played so little of the game that there wasn't much to talk about. Who knows, maybe I'll make a video. Everyone loves torture. =/

I would've given it a 2 but it's not on par with Sonic 06. Nothing is.

In case you didn't know...

I'm on Facebook! That's right, I have another output to...output (*cringe*) my work. I'll be using that page a little more regularly than this here blog, so go over and give it a "Like".

In the meantime, here's a couple of games which I'll be looking at very soon among others:

• Pokémon Diamond (GBC) - It's on the Game Boy Colour. Yes, I know it's not "real" but it's a game nevertheless.
• Toy Story 2 (N64) - I actually can't wait!
• Slender (PC) - If I can get it to work, I'll make this a video response.
• Banjo Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts (360) - Sounds like fun.

Here's a picture. Bye now. =)

Review: Pimp My Ride (2006)

I'm pretty sure I can make out the conversation Xzibit had with Activision when the idea for a game based on the popular MTV show Pimp My Ride was first conceived. It probably went along the lines of this:

Activision: So Xzibit, we hear you have a new idea for a game. Show us your pitch.

Xzibit: Yo dawg, so I heard you like games. So we want to put a game in a game so you can play while you play! 

Activision: [in tears at the genius that is Xzibit] That's brilliant! There's no way this has been done before, it will be the greatest game ever!

Xzibit: That true dawg.

Allow me to take this opportunity to ask you if there's a game out there, based on a television series, which has done well. Please, take your time. I'll still be here.

Thought of anything? Nope, neither could I. We can only hope that the newly released Game of Thrones game is at least passable [EDIT: It isn't]. Pimp My Ride, however, is nowhere near it.

It starts off by telling you the basis of every episode of the show; you find a loser with a shitty car, you have to make the car the most outrageous, stupid piece of junk to hit the streets, then film the reaction of the now ecstatic client. All the while the vehicle just needs to run until the cameras stop rolling*. *(citation needed)

This would totally fit with my daily lifestyle! I can't wait to mix some tunes in the boot of my car!

So your first customer is Marcia and her car, to be frank, is a bomb. The graphics don't even give the detailing any justice either, making it look like a bunch of poorly grouped polygons. Anyway, you're given Xzibit's ride as a loan and you have to collect enough money in order to fix the car. Ways to get said money include ramming into other cars, hitting parking metres and smashing down billboards. Oh, what's that? You don't want to dint Xzibit's car because you adore him? That's cool, as your car won't take any damage. From anything. Driving along at 100km/h and slam straight into a wire fence. Nothing happens. If you're lucky, you'll bounce off.

I'm going to make a quick assumption here and say that the game isn't aiming to be realistic in any sense of the word. I mean, it can't call itself a 'real driving simulator' if the driving mechanics include you running into billboards, parking metres and other cars for an extra dollar. If I was paid $10 for every car I ran into, I'd buy myself the biggest, meanest car and do the job properly. Driving around in a rusted metal shit-bucket pushing buses and trucks around with ease is not my idea of a driving simulator. It's an excuse to call a shit game even worse.

I've seen better pieces of shit...in a...toilet.

...yeah...

And the mini-games...geez! Both of the mini-games for these driving sections are just so terrible. Apart from the cruising past groups of people pressing three buttons in sequence to make some money, the game has your default character dance next to the car in what can only be called an awkward situation for everyone involved. The car moves along at around 5km/h while you worm, hip-hop, moonwalk and breakdown next to the car. I just focused on the button pressing during these parts as the player model looks so weird, so disjointed and out of place when he dances that you almost feel bad for what he's going through in this game. You feel some sympathy, knowing that inside he's probably ruing the day he was created for the game, thinking that pimping rides was fun and all.

"I hate my life." - Your character and yourself.

But wait, there's more!

"More of me dancnig?! =D"

No.

Once you get enough money to 'pimp' the car, you must drive around the map again to each of the different mechanics and designers to get the best deals. You have 2 minutes to get to them all and there's a mini-game for each part. This was actually the best part, as not only was there a sense of urgency in racing for the parts, but the mini-games were small, quick and generally fun. Things like the correct timing for button presses to rotations of the analogue stick actually shows some sort of mini-game potential for the game, if only the driving was improved...and everything else.

This is actually fun. I'm not even kidding.

(Also, thanks Cheatcc.com for the watermark!)

Once all that was over though and the timer expires, you're sent back to compare your car with your competitor. Yes, that's right, some computer-controlled sorry sod of a competitor wants to try and beat you at the designing game. It's almost too easy to beat them though. All you need to do is get the best things for the car which you can afford while the competitor looks like a joke. Every. Time.

At the end of the day, a game is about how much enjoyment and fun you made from it in the allotted time you've given it. In the case for Pimp My Ride, I couldn't finish it. It felt like a job, the tedious driving mechanics and everything making for a fairly unenjoyable time. I didn't want to spend my time getting enough money to do the borderline-good mini-games. It didn't feel as though the effort would be justified. So yeah, I'd give this game a miss unless you were to play for either a joke, a drunken night or because you're a sucker who gives in to pressure from others to torture yourself, all for the amusement of others. 

Or...you could watch this YouTube clip of Marcia's story. It takes out the middle portion of the game, but you don't need to see it. Tell them I sent you.

-- FINAL VERDICT --

Platform Used: Xbox 360

Score: 3/10

Recommendation: Avoid.

The only good thing that can come out of this game were the small minigames, but you can find similar ones on most other mini/party game titles. Apart from that, the game is just terrible. So...so terrible. Even if you're a fan, avoid.

Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) is better.

[EDIT: I take that back, that was harsh. It's not as terrible as StH06, it's just a really, really, REALLY bad game.]

Review: Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) Part 2

My palms were sweating. Patience was wearing thin. It's okay, I thought. I can wait around for this. Only when I changed over to the football on TV for a little bit, saw a goal being scored, then turning back did I realise that nothing happened. The loading screen had been staring at me for a grand total of 13 minutes. I realised in that time, for the first time in my life, real disappointment. I hate this game.

TL;DR: 13 minutes before I could even attempt Shadow's first mission. That's how long I had to wait.

IT JUST WON'T STOP!!!

This game is so boring and it has it's loading screens and it's unfinished feel to blame for it. I have games that install on my Playstation 3 faster than it takes to load a level for Sonic the Hedgehog. When I said that I had so much to complain about, I wasn't lying. Now after completing the three main stories, I can safely say that the list has doubled. I can't say everything, otherwise I'll be here all day, so I'll just explain the worst of it so perhaps you can get an idea of just how depressed playing this game made me feel.

I can just hear him saying "You got yourself into this...".

I think the penultimate moment where my dislike of this game was magnified was the boss battle with Silver. It happened in Sonic's and I thought it was a glitch (it was) but then when I played against him as Shadow, the same thing repeated. You see, Silver has psycho-kinetic powers, so he could literally pick me up with the poser of his mind and throw me against a nearby wall, damaging me and making me lose all my rings. If he was close to this wall, he could so it again  and again and again until the ring that was falling out after being hit managed to avoid me. That's right, I wanted my lone ring to bounce away from me so that I could die. That's how much I disliked this game. I felt better when I was dead. But then that feeling didn't last long as I had to sit through another loading screen…

I hated this. I want Silver to go die.

I remember a quote during the game where my sidekick (I've forgotten their name, that's how memorable they are) comes up with an excellent quote whose timing can possibly put it next to Vector's line of "Find the computer room" as one of the worst delivered lines in Sonic history.

"Watch out Shadow! If something that big runs into you the soft footholds won't hold."

I heard this every single time I was dead. Not before, where a prior warning would have been accepted, but after it was needed.  My body lay sprawled on the ground, limbs lying next to me as if I was sleeping (there was not much slack for movement, it's G rated after all) and I was given warning about the big hunk of death that was coming towards me. I didn't like this late announcement one bit.

Yeah Shadow! Watch out for that big worm thing creeping up behind you!

I'm going to stop the Sonic slaying at the end of this next paragraph. I feel as though you get the picture of what I'm trying to say, plus I want to keep this entry fairly short in case my brain decides to explode at the thought of actually completing the game (I'll only do it if I get paid. There, I said it).

This last point is about a civilian in Soleanna, again, because you end up going there quite a fair bit. This civilian had a yellow exclamation mark on top of them but when I spoke to him, he said the same thing as the civilian on the opposite side of the road. Now, I thought this was just Sonic Team being lazy but no, it was worse. After wandering around all of Soleanna and not finding a single person with a blue exclamation mark, I decided to look every where else. After spending 20 minutes looking through every nook and cranny of all the hubs of the game, I decided to ragequit and turn off the game. After coming back to it a week later I ended up spawning next to the civilian who was copying the guy opposite him. He was now blue. He was now also about to die. I haven't played since.

"Can there be a sequel guys?"

No. No there will not be.

-- FINAL VERDICT --

Platform Used: Xbox 360

Score: 2/10

Recommendation: Avoid.

The game is glitchy. The game has a weak story. The game is terrible on all fronts.

Give it to a friend to play and watch the torture.

Review: Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) Part 1

I can't do this. I just can't.

Yes, I suppose I can call myself a Sonic fan-boy, but I just can't finish this game. I think I've played a total of about 30 minutes and watched about 50 minutes of loading screens and cut-scenes. It's absurdly ridiculous. I had to wait a full 8 minutes, possibly longer, before I could control Sonic for the first time, and that wasn't even in a Stage level. That was during the Town sequences, which is the hub world of the game and has some terrible, terrible glitches.

Also the game is stupid. I mean, grinding the water? Seriously Sega?!

At the start of your control over Sonic, you have to find Tails. Once that happens, Tails will now follow you everywhere. I feel there must be something wrong with his shoes, giving him an excuse to fly everywhere. Whenever he lands after flying, it's like his feet are on ice and he just slides away, usually over the edge of the level and into the water, killing him off. If this happens, don't panic! He comes back after the next loading screen, which are all too frequent.

Stupid Tails. I don't like you.

While walking (running) around the Town sequences in Soleanna at the beginning of the game, you will also find yourself missing turns and running into walls a lot. That is normal, Sonic's meant to be fast. Sometimes when you hit a wall you may freeze and stay still for about 5-6 seconds. This is not normal. What adds to the frustration is a lack of direction during these sections. The loading screen may say "You must stop Eggman!" but it never says 'how', it just gives you the general story mission and then says "Here you go, you need to do this. Find it yourself though, because I ain't helping". Although this works for some games, not a Sonic game. If anyone remembers Sonic Adventure, you'll know why...

At least it has occasional moments where you can go fast...

Also throughout these town sequences there are people just waiting to tell you useless information like how they want to go snowboarding or that they're late. These people have a yellow exclamation mark above their head. Then there are those people who may or may not point you in the right direction, depending on what mission you're up to. These people have orange exclamation marks above them. Then there's the people who have quests/missions ready for you to do. These are either side missions or actual story missions. They have a blue exclamation mark. An easier way to find them all is to look at your mini-map while running into buildings at every corner.

Now there's this one guy who's hanging around Soleanna the first time you're there (and possibly later, I dunno) and he has an orange mark above his head. You would assume that he helps you along to the next part of the game, right? Ha, no. Why would he?

"When things settle down I'd like to go to the beach with my girlfriend. Or maybe a barbeque in the desert!

Hmm... No, a barbeque in the woods might be better. Or skiing! Or snowboarding!

But first I need to find a girlfriend. So much to do, so little time…"

Liek if u crieddd...

Yes. I really needed that life-saving information about your lack of a girlfriend. Have a cup of concrete and join the club. This didn't help me in the slightest with progressing to the next part of the game, which I've explained is done shitty.

There's another character with an orange exclamation mark above their head which I'd like to point out. It's a bishop and you cannot progress any further in the game unless you talk to him. Although it's told to you by one of the people hanging around Soleanna, you can theoretically move through the game without the need for talking to any orange people. Just talk to the blue guys an you'll be fine. But no, this bishop is different. You have to talk to him so he can take you to some ruins where you'll have to play three different mini-games against the clock to show your worth. They are Courage, Intelligence and Love. The Courage test is fairly obvious; kill all the robots in the given time limit. The Intelligence test then moves a little further from that, telling you to go through warp holes until you get to the goal ring. This is not really an intelligence test and more a memory test. Then come the stupidest test of the three of them; you have to decide whether to save Amy or Elise from impending doom.

She's not a lover if she's a stalker.

Protip: No one likes Amy, so it only makes sense you need to pick Elise. If you pick Amy you fail the test, which is worse than failing your primary school acceptance test at age 31 after finishing university and going back because you're an idiot.

Oh, last note about those tests. Once you complete them all you get access to the next level gate via an eagle picking you up and taking you there. You had to go grind through those tests before you can progress, which makes the game look stupid when Tails is just sitting there at the gate, waiting and taunting you for not have two tails available to be used as a helicopter.

I have so much more to complain about on the subject of this game, but I'm going to give Sonic the benefit of the doubt...for now. Looks like I'm going to have to suck it up and beat it. Prepare for Part 2 soon...

Mother of God...what have I done?