Thursday, February 23, 2012

Review: Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) Part 1

I can't do this. I just can't.

Yes, I suppose I can call myself a Sonic fan-boy, but I just can't finish this game. I think I've played a total of about 30 minutes and watched about 50 minutes of loading screens and cut-scenes. It's absurdly ridiculous. I had to wait a full 8 minutes, possibly longer, before I could control Sonic for the first time, and that wasn't even in a Stage level. That was during the Town sequences, which is the hub world of the game and has some terrible, terrible glitches.

Also the game is stupid. I mean, grinding the water? Seriously Sega?!

At the start of your control over Sonic, you have to find Tails. Once that happens, Tails will now follow you everywhere. I feel there must be something wrong with his shoes, giving him an excuse to fly everywhere. Whenever he lands after flying, it's like his feet are on ice and he just slides away, usually over the edge of the level and into the water, killing him off. If this happens, don't panic! He comes back after the next loading screen, which are all too frequent.

Stupid Tails. I don't like you.

While walking (running) around the Town sequences in Soleanna at the beginning of the game, you will also find yourself missing turns and running into walls a lot. That is normal, Sonic's meant to be fast. Sometimes when you hit a wall you may freeze and stay still for about 5-6 seconds. This is not normal. What adds to the frustration is a lack of direction during these sections. The loading screen may say "You must stop Eggman!" but it never says 'how', it just gives you the general story mission and then says "Here you go, you need to do this. Find it yourself though, because I ain't helping". Although this works for some games, not a Sonic game. If anyone remembers Sonic Adventure, you'll know why...

At least it has occasional moments where you can go fast...

Also throughout these town sequences there are people just waiting to tell you useless information like how they want to go snowboarding or that they're late. These people have a yellow exclamation mark above their head. Then there are those people who may or may not point you in the right direction, depending on what mission you're up to. These people have orange exclamation marks above them. Then there's the people who have quests/missions ready for you to do. These are either side missions or actual story missions. They have a blue exclamation mark. An easier way to find them all is to look at your mini-map while running into buildings at every corner.

Now there's this one guy who's hanging around Soleanna the first time you're there (and possibly later, I dunno) and he has an orange mark above his head. You would assume that he helps you along to the next part of the game, right? Ha, no. Why would he?

"When things settle down I'd like to go to the beach with my girlfriend. Or maybe a barbeque in the desert!

Hmm... No, a barbeque in the woods might be better. Or skiing! Or snowboarding!

But first I need to find a girlfriend. So much to do, so little time…"
Liek if u crieddd...

Yes. I really needed that life-saving information about your lack of a girlfriend. Have a cup of concrete and join the club. This didn't help me in the slightest with progressing to the next part of the game, which I've explained is done shitty.

There's another character with an orange exclamation mark above their head which I'd like to point out. It's a bishop and you cannot progress any further in the game unless you talk to him. Although it's told to you by one of the people hanging around Soleanna, you can theoretically move through the game without the need for talking to any orange people. Just talk to the blue guys an you'll be fine. But no, this bishop is different. You have to talk to him so he can take you to some ruins where you'll have to play three different mini-games against the clock to show your worth. They are Courage, Intelligence and Love. The Courage test is fairly obvious; kill all the robots in the given time limit. The Intelligence test then moves a little further from that, telling you to go through warp holes until you get to the goal ring. This is not really an intelligence test and more a memory test. Then come the stupidest test of the three of them; you have to decide whether to save Amy or Elise from impending doom.

She's not a lover if she's a stalker.

Protip: No one likes Amy, so it only makes sense you need to pick Elise. If you pick Amy you fail the test, which is worse than failing your primary school acceptance test at age 31 after finishing university and going back because you're an idiot.

Oh, last note about those tests. Once you complete them all you get access to the next level gate via an eagle picking you up and taking you there. You had to go grind through those tests before you can progress, which makes the game look stupid when Tails is just sitting there at the gate, waiting and taunting you for not have two tails available to be used as a helicopter.

I have so much more to complain about on the subject of this game, but I'm going to give Sonic the benefit of the doubt...for now. Looks like I'm going to have to suck it up and beat it. Prepare for Part 2 soon...

Mother of God...what have I done?


  1. Replies
    1. I love Sonic, but this nearly killed me. Literally. I haven't posted since.

      My next part will be up possibly as early as this weekend, so hopefully it gets better!

  2. Why haven't I had any of these problems in the countless times I've been throught the game? Oh, yeah... because they aren't there.

    1. Then your copy is a Godsend among all the copies of all the games in the world.

      Seriously though, if it's on the 360 and doesn't do what I've spoken about, you must have one of a kind. The same problems have happened on every other copy I know of.

    2. I know a lot of people who don't have much trouble playing, actually. Certain things, like glitches and load times, are in the game, but they aren't even a tenth as bad as some people like to make them out to be. Controls are real simple, though. Story's great. Camera's easy to use (and ironically, the default angles are a lot better than most of 3D Sonic games have been). Music is incredible. Voices are smoother than usual. Graphics need improvement, but that isn't enough to make it a bad game.

      (BTW, I've owned a total of four copies of this game since I first played it back in 2008 - two on both 360 and PS3).

    3. What reasons do you have for owning 4 different copies of the game though? There is no multiplayer aspect of the game, so it's almost a waste.

      I'm not kidding when I say that I really wanted to like this game. I really did. I love Sonic, so there was an optimistic outlook going into playing the game but all it did was crush all the hope I had for it.

      However, Sonic Team kind of saved him recently. I'll be dealing with Sonic Unleashed soon, but Sonic Colours and Sonic Generations were actually really good games. I especially enjoyed Generations as I feel as though it fixed the problems of 3D Sonic and brought both a 2D and 3D view together really well.

      As for Sonic 06, it was a real let down for me personally. I still love SA2:B and I had high hopes for the next 3D Sonic game, but it just never fulfilled any. It let me down. If you're happy with it then good for you, but not every game will please everyone.

  3. My brother bought the first copy for 360. Then, I got a PS3 and wanted it on that, so I got one. Then, a friend of mine left their PS3 version at the house and my dog got it, so I had to replace theirs. And finally, my younger brother bought one for himself on the 360, as well. (BTW, there's a multiplayer mode in the game, yes.)

    Look, the game has flaws, it really does. But it simply isn't as bad as you're making it sound. And you're not even the worst offender at over-exaggerating the flaws.

    It isn't that bad. At least, it isn't Colors and Generations... which were NOT that great. Not at all.

    1. I thought Generations was good. Well, the levels were. The whole boss and hub worlds were pretty badly done. As for Colours, I haven't played it, so I can't really give an opinion.

    2. The levels they chose for the classic era were perfect for each game. The levels from the Dreamcast era were... well, unexpected. City Escape was pretty much a given, but I thought Emerald Coast would be used in the console version... For Sonic Heroes, I can't really think of a good level, because none of them stand out to me. For this game, though, I thought Kingdom Valley would be a better choice. Crisis City would be my second pick, but still... Unleashed and Colors were well-represented, though.

      I agree, but probably not for the same reasons you do. I think the HUBs were bad because they were dead, side-scrolling, and looked ridiculous. You just might not be into the whole HUB world in general. The bosses I liked were the death egg robot and Egg Dragoon. But the rest were pretty uninteresting or frustrating.

    3. HUB worlds have their place and can work. Games such as Diddy Kong Racing and Gauntlet: Legends and Gauntlet: Dark Legacy have some good HUB worlds, Dark Legacy in particular. There was always a new place to go. In Sonic 06 there were occasional side missions and all but nothing of substance to the game. The areas were really open and just jumping from rooftop to rooftop in Soleana was just a deal-breaker for me.

      Sonic Heroes was...okay. I mean, it was nice to be able to change characters and such that easily to overcome obstacles, but there was something about the game which I just felt like it was trying too hard. Then again, it went Platinum like Unleashed, so I can't really say anything.

      I can't remember any of the bosses to be honest besides Silver, which pissed me off. All I do remember was that it got to the stage where playing some of the levels were a chore and I just couldn't wait to get to the next part.