In case you didn't know...

I'm on Facebook! That's right, I have another output to...output (*cringe*) my work. I'll be using that page a little more regularly than this here blog, so go over and give it a "Like".

In the meantime, here's a couple of games which I'll be looking at very soon among others:

• Pokémon Diamond (GBC) - It's on the Game Boy Colour. Yes, I know it's not "real" but it's a game nevertheless.
• Toy Story 2 (N64) - I actually can't wait!
• Slender (PC) - If I can get it to work, I'll make this a video response.
• Banjo Kazooie: Nuts and Bolts (360) - Sounds like fun.

Here's a picture. Bye now. =)

Review: Pimp My Ride (2006)

I'm pretty sure I can make out the conversation Xzibit had with Activision when the idea for a game based on the popular MTV show Pimp My Ride was first conceived. It probably went along the lines of this:

Activision: So Xzibit, we hear you have a new idea for a game. Show us your pitch.

Xzibit: Yo dawg, so I heard you like games. So we want to put a game in a game so you can play while you play! 

Activision: [in tears at the genius that is Xzibit] That's brilliant! There's no way this has been done before, it will be the greatest game ever!

Xzibit: That true dawg.

Allow me to take this opportunity to ask you if there's a game out there, based on a television series, which has done well. Please, take your time. I'll still be here.

Thought of anything? Nope, neither could I. We can only hope that the newly released Game of Thrones game is at least passable [EDIT: It isn't]. Pimp My Ride, however, is nowhere near it.

It starts off by telling you the basis of every episode of the show; you find a loser with a shitty car, you have to make the car the most outrageous, stupid piece of junk to hit the streets, then film the reaction of the now ecstatic client. All the while the vehicle just needs to run until the cameras stop rolling*. *(citation needed)

This would totally fit with my daily lifestyle! I can't wait to mix some tunes in the boot of my car!

So your first customer is Marcia and her car, to be frank, is a bomb. The graphics don't even give the detailing any justice either, making it look like a bunch of poorly grouped polygons. Anyway, you're given Xzibit's ride as a loan and you have to collect enough money in order to fix the car. Ways to get said money include ramming into other cars, hitting parking metres and smashing down billboards. Oh, what's that? You don't want to dint Xzibit's car because you adore him? That's cool, as your car won't take any damage. From anything. Driving along at 100km/h and slam straight into a wire fence. Nothing happens. If you're lucky, you'll bounce off.

I'm going to make a quick assumption here and say that the game isn't aiming to be realistic in any sense of the word. I mean, it can't call itself a 'real driving simulator' if the driving mechanics include you running into billboards, parking metres and other cars for an extra dollar. If I was paid $10 for every car I ran into, I'd buy myself the biggest, meanest car and do the job properly. Driving around in a rusted metal shit-bucket pushing buses and trucks around with ease is not my idea of a driving simulator. It's an excuse to call a shit game even worse.

I've seen better pieces of shit...in a...toilet.

...yeah...

And the mini-games...geez! Both of the mini-games for these driving sections are just so terrible. Apart from the cruising past groups of people pressing three buttons in sequence to make some money, the game has your default character dance next to the car in what can only be called an awkward situation for everyone involved. The car moves along at around 5km/h while you worm, hip-hop, moonwalk and breakdown next to the car. I just focused on the button pressing during these parts as the player model looks so weird, so disjointed and out of place when he dances that you almost feel bad for what he's going through in this game. You feel some sympathy, knowing that inside he's probably ruing the day he was created for the game, thinking that pimping rides was fun and all.

"I hate my life." - Your character and yourself.

But wait, there's more!

"More of me dancnig?! =D"

No.

Once you get enough money to 'pimp' the car, you must drive around the map again to each of the different mechanics and designers to get the best deals. You have 2 minutes to get to them all and there's a mini-game for each part. This was actually the best part, as not only was there a sense of urgency in racing for the parts, but the mini-games were small, quick and generally fun. Things like the correct timing for button presses to rotations of the analogue stick actually shows some sort of mini-game potential for the game, if only the driving was improved...and everything else.

This is actually fun. I'm not even kidding.

(Also, thanks Cheatcc.com for the watermark!)

Once all that was over though and the timer expires, you're sent back to compare your car with your competitor. Yes, that's right, some computer-controlled sorry sod of a competitor wants to try and beat you at the designing game. It's almost too easy to beat them though. All you need to do is get the best things for the car which you can afford while the competitor looks like a joke. Every. Time.

At the end of the day, a game is about how much enjoyment and fun you made from it in the allotted time you've given it. In the case for Pimp My Ride, I couldn't finish it. It felt like a job, the tedious driving mechanics and everything making for a fairly unenjoyable time. I didn't want to spend my time getting enough money to do the borderline-good mini-games. It didn't feel as though the effort would be justified. So yeah, I'd give this game a miss unless you were to play for either a joke, a drunken night or because you're a sucker who gives in to pressure from others to torture yourself, all for the amusement of others. 

Or...you could watch this YouTube clip of Marcia's story. It takes out the middle portion of the game, but you don't need to see it. Tell them I sent you.

-- FINAL VERDICT --

Platform Used: Xbox 360

Score: 3/10

Recommendation: Avoid.

The only good thing that can come out of this game were the small minigames, but you can find similar ones on most other mini/party game titles. Apart from that, the game is just terrible. So...so terrible. Even if you're a fan, avoid.

Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) is better.

[EDIT: I take that back, that was harsh. It's not as terrible as StH06, it's just a really, really, REALLY bad game.]

Review: Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) Part 2

My palms were sweating. Patience was wearing thin. It's okay, I thought. I can wait around for this. Only when I changed over to the football on TV for a little bit, saw a goal being scored, then turning back did I realise that nothing happened. The loading screen had been staring at me for a grand total of 13 minutes. I realised in that time, for the first time in my life, real disappointment. I hate this game.

TL;DR: 13 minutes before I could even attempt Shadow's first mission. That's how long I had to wait.

IT JUST WON'T STOP!!!

This game is so boring and it has it's loading screens and it's unfinished feel to blame for it. I have games that install on my Playstation 3 faster than it takes to load a level for Sonic the Hedgehog. When I said that I had so much to complain about, I wasn't lying. Now after completing the three main stories, I can safely say that the list has doubled. I can't say everything, otherwise I'll be here all day, so I'll just explain the worst of it so perhaps you can get an idea of just how depressed playing this game made me feel.

I can just hear him saying "You got yourself into this...".

I think the penultimate moment where my dislike of this game was magnified was the boss battle with Silver. It happened in Sonic's and I thought it was a glitch (it was) but then when I played against him as Shadow, the same thing repeated. You see, Silver has psycho-kinetic powers, so he could literally pick me up with the poser of his mind and throw me against a nearby wall, damaging me and making me lose all my rings. If he was close to this wall, he could so it again  and again and again until the ring that was falling out after being hit managed to avoid me. That's right, I wanted my lone ring to bounce away from me so that I could die. That's how much I disliked this game. I felt better when I was dead. But then that feeling didn't last long as I had to sit through another loading screen…

I hated this. I want Silver to go die.

I remember a quote during the game where my sidekick (I've forgotten their name, that's how memorable they are) comes up with an excellent quote whose timing can possibly put it next to Vector's line of "Find the computer room" as one of the worst delivered lines in Sonic history.

"Watch out Shadow! If something that big runs into you the soft footholds won't hold."

I heard this every single time I was dead. Not before, where a prior warning would have been accepted, but after it was needed.  My body lay sprawled on the ground, limbs lying next to me as if I was sleeping (there was not much slack for movement, it's G rated after all) and I was given warning about the big hunk of death that was coming towards me. I didn't like this late announcement one bit.

Yeah Shadow! Watch out for that big worm thing creeping up behind you!

I'm going to stop the Sonic slaying at the end of this next paragraph. I feel as though you get the picture of what I'm trying to say, plus I want to keep this entry fairly short in case my brain decides to explode at the thought of actually completing the game (I'll only do it if I get paid. There, I said it).

This last point is about a civilian in Soleanna, again, because you end up going there quite a fair bit. This civilian had a yellow exclamation mark on top of them but when I spoke to him, he said the same thing as the civilian on the opposite side of the road. Now, I thought this was just Sonic Team being lazy but no, it was worse. After wandering around all of Soleanna and not finding a single person with a blue exclamation mark, I decided to look every where else. After spending 20 minutes looking through every nook and cranny of all the hubs of the game, I decided to ragequit and turn off the game. After coming back to it a week later I ended up spawning next to the civilian who was copying the guy opposite him. He was now blue. He was now also about to die. I haven't played since.

"Can there be a sequel guys?"

No. No there will not be.

-- FINAL VERDICT --

Platform Used: Xbox 360

Score: 2/10

Recommendation: Avoid.

The game is glitchy. The game has a weak story. The game is terrible on all fronts.

Give it to a friend to play and watch the torture.

Review: Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) Part 1

I can't do this. I just can't.

Yes, I suppose I can call myself a Sonic fan-boy, but I just can't finish this game. I think I've played a total of about 30 minutes and watched about 50 minutes of loading screens and cut-scenes. It's absurdly ridiculous. I had to wait a full 8 minutes, possibly longer, before I could control Sonic for the first time, and that wasn't even in a Stage level. That was during the Town sequences, which is the hub world of the game and has some terrible, terrible glitches.

Also the game is stupid. I mean, grinding the water? Seriously Sega?!

At the start of your control over Sonic, you have to find Tails. Once that happens, Tails will now follow you everywhere. I feel there must be something wrong with his shoes, giving him an excuse to fly everywhere. Whenever he lands after flying, it's like his feet are on ice and he just slides away, usually over the edge of the level and into the water, killing him off. If this happens, don't panic! He comes back after the next loading screen, which are all too frequent.

Stupid Tails. I don't like you.

While walking (running) around the Town sequences in Soleanna at the beginning of the game, you will also find yourself missing turns and running into walls a lot. That is normal, Sonic's meant to be fast. Sometimes when you hit a wall you may freeze and stay still for about 5-6 seconds. This is not normal. What adds to the frustration is a lack of direction during these sections. The loading screen may say "You must stop Eggman!" but it never says 'how', it just gives you the general story mission and then says "Here you go, you need to do this. Find it yourself though, because I ain't helping". Although this works for some games, not a Sonic game. If anyone remembers Sonic Adventure, you'll know why...

At least it has occasional moments where you can go fast...

Also throughout these town sequences there are people just waiting to tell you useless information like how they want to go snowboarding or that they're late. These people have a yellow exclamation mark above their head. Then there are those people who may or may not point you in the right direction, depending on what mission you're up to. These people have orange exclamation marks above them. Then there's the people who have quests/missions ready for you to do. These are either side missions or actual story missions. They have a blue exclamation mark. An easier way to find them all is to look at your mini-map while running into buildings at every corner.

Now there's this one guy who's hanging around Soleanna the first time you're there (and possibly later, I dunno) and he has an orange mark above his head. You would assume that he helps you along to the next part of the game, right? Ha, no. Why would he?

"When things settle down I'd like to go to the beach with my girlfriend. Or maybe a barbeque in the desert!

Hmm... No, a barbeque in the woods might be better. Or skiing! Or snowboarding!

But first I need to find a girlfriend. So much to do, so little time…"

Liek if u crieddd...

Yes. I really needed that life-saving information about your lack of a girlfriend. Have a cup of concrete and join the club. This didn't help me in the slightest with progressing to the next part of the game, which I've explained is done shitty.

There's another character with an orange exclamation mark above their head which I'd like to point out. It's a bishop and you cannot progress any further in the game unless you talk to him. Although it's told to you by one of the people hanging around Soleanna, you can theoretically move through the game without the need for talking to any orange people. Just talk to the blue guys an you'll be fine. But no, this bishop is different. You have to talk to him so he can take you to some ruins where you'll have to play three different mini-games against the clock to show your worth. They are Courage, Intelligence and Love. The Courage test is fairly obvious; kill all the robots in the given time limit. The Intelligence test then moves a little further from that, telling you to go through warp holes until you get to the goal ring. This is not really an intelligence test and more a memory test. Then come the stupidest test of the three of them; you have to decide whether to save Amy or Elise from impending doom.

She's not a lover if she's a stalker.

Protip: No one likes Amy, so it only makes sense you need to pick Elise. If you pick Amy you fail the test, which is worse than failing your primary school acceptance test at age 31 after finishing university and going back because you're an idiot.

Oh, last note about those tests. Once you complete them all you get access to the next level gate via an eagle picking you up and taking you there. You had to go grind through those tests before you can progress, which makes the game look stupid when Tails is just sitting there at the gate, waiting and taunting you for not have two tails available to be used as a helicopter.

I have so much more to complain about on the subject of this game, but I'm going to give Sonic the benefit of the doubt...for now. Looks like I'm going to have to suck it up and beat it. Prepare for Part 2 soon...

Mother of God...what have I done?

Well this is overwhelming...

Wow. I honestly didn't expect that many responses. Looks like I'm going to be looking at a fair few games. I haven't posted for a bit as I've been tracking down some of your suggestions. Some are old and a couple are fairly new, so there's a good mix. I like it.

So please be patient as I go through my paces and get through all these games. There are some I'm looking forward to and others...well...not so much.

Anyway, before I go, I'll leave you with this picture. Think of it as a little teaser as to what's coming up...

Set me a challenge!

So I've been thinking recently, maybe the games I'm looking at aren't to your liking. That's cool. If they're not maybe give me some idea as to what you want me to look at. It could be anything, whether it be Hello Kitty on the Playstation 2 or even Lylat Wars on the Nintendo 64. Any game, any console. If I can get my hands on it, I'll play it and tell you about it.

This is not a cry of a desperate man, but a call out to anyone wanting to make their opinions known. I will play anything. ANYTHING!

Diary of an MMORPG player: Flyff, Day 4

This game is broken.

The quest asked me to collect 15 'Mia Dolls' from the enemy 'Mia' which are little girls with a ball and chain who are...life-like dolls?

So I get to my 15th Mia Doll after about an hour of killing them off and I go to pick it up and...it's...floating?

I know the screenshot shows a bag of Penya (the currency) but the same thing happened on a hard-to-get quest item. Get over yourself you Flyff-freaks.

Okay, so it's floating. No big deal. Yeah, I can tell myself that, but when my character runs back and forth underneath it travelling 4 pixels each way, you know you're never going to pick up that item. Ever.

GIVE ME YOUR PENYA! I WANT TO ADD THAT MONEY TO MY OVER ONE MILLION BAG OF IT!

So now that's out of the way, I'd like to speak to you about the best combo to ever be seen by me at such my low level (which when writing this, is roughly 30). Since my job is an acrobat and I use bows and arrows or a pair of yo-yos (which I only use if I run out of arrows) I've found the best action combo to date. First, some backstory on what the action moves are.

Action moves are like your special hotkey moves, except that the key you press is "C" and you can have between 1 and 5 moves in the action bar, whether they're 5 different moves or 5 of the same. They're your job-specific special attacks, in other words. They mostly use up FP (Fighting Points or Fatigue Points), which is that green bar you see in the screenshots, but they can also use MP (Magic Points) which is the blue bar. However, it's not something you can spam, as every time you use your designated actions the bar decreases by half a slot before slowly recharging. There are ways around this though, which brings me to my favourite combination at the present time.

Here's the status bar. Green = FP bar and Blue = MP bar.

This potion is one of the best I've used so far. Unlimited MP use for 20 minutes. You can get these from quests.

This is your Action Bar. See the black bar on the side? That's the cooldown and whatever's got the black on it can't be used until the cooldown recharges/goes away.

This give you unlimited use for your action bar, getting rid of the cooldown.

For my combination, you need to first use a Refresher Hold, which not only refills your MP bar but gives you infinite MP for 20 minutes. Then I would use an Enhanced Activition which allows infinite actions to take place for 30 minutes. After filling in your action bar with 5 slots of "Rapid Shot", which sends down 3 arrows at a time, four times (in other words it's 4(3x) where x = an arrow, for the math-savvy and for those who failed maths, it sends 12 arrows) you spam "C". This makes quick work of nearly every enemy under level 35, which for someone under level 30, is pretty good. It cuts through them so quickly, my mercenary friend was jelly. Flavour? Raspberry.

Before I finish this post for today, I'd like to show you a second quest from one of the NPCs.

If you look at the writing at the bottom, she seems so sweet. Especially after giving me 100,000 Penya.

Oh no, the knives are rusty! Maybe she should go over to the food shop and see if he has any cooking utensils. I'm sure you have something else pre-prepared in the fridge.

Look, I'm pretty sure you'll be fine without some knives. Maybe use your hands? It's not like there's a problem with your mothering...

"Once again be a fit mother"? That's a bit harsh. But anyway, Sharp Edges aye? I'm sure I can find like an old piece of machinery and pull off some non-rusty parts. That should be fine, right?

Wait what?! Pulling off their legs?? A 'little' vicious?! And I said that this game was for a younger audience, how wrong I was. This game is for serial killers and those with an addiction to pull things off other living beings!

This is the part where over-protective parents say "Protect the kids! Ban this game!". They are idiots. It's not going to stop me questing, whether it be this quest telling me to rip the legs off Mantis' to make knives or to slay countless pumpkins to find the right amount of matches (I think it's a Halloween reference). Either way, let's see what kind of black magic this game can throw at me now that I'm a level 30. Flyff, SHOW ME YOUR WORST!